How to write about one’s self? Granted, we are opinionated and we have our idiosyncrasies to deal with as well. I have decided on a simple if irritating format. I’m sure that in the process, I’d omit the more pertinent facts, but it can’t be helped. I do realize with increasing alarm that I habitually expect readers to read between the lines- as if they knew me intimately – in matters wherein I’d fare better if I didn’t exercise this vagueness.

You can’t go wrong with basic facts such as these:

Name: Elle E.
Hair Colour: Black
Eye Colour: Brown
Favourite Colour: Green
Personality Type: INFJ
Eternal accessory: spectacles

I am a lemon tea guzzling, library lingering, tenuously scribbling, gaucherie-stricken, otiose spinster. Oh yes, and I’m one of the most cynical people you might meet. I look at a situation and generally pronounce the most pessimistic outcome. It can get tiring spending time with me.

I like animals, cakes, films, and books. I adore Eva Green. And recently, since reaching my thirties, I’ve gotten better at gardening. My aquascaping skills are a work in progress, but I am determined to get better.

I am insecure about the way I sound on the phone. I’ve listened to my voice recordings and, oh god, I give the impression that I drink like a fish and suffer from a perpetual hangover.

I walk like a nun, with my face buried in a book. I can’t read maps. I’m helpless with directions. I’m the sort who’s perpetually lost.  I eat too much and exercise too little in a world overrun by evil waifs.

I like gargoyles and vampires, nonsense verse and courtesans with golden hearts. I like my shadow.

I can do without the following quite brilliantly: roaches, dog day afternoons, repetitious TV programmes, the prurient nature of recent popular music, homophobes, Harold Blooms, messy rooms, contretemps and overconfident adolescents.